I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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