After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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