I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
