Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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