dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She swung at the pinata with crutches
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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