This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
