People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
