I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
