My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
