So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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