My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
