my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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