Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
