There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
