omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
