u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
