yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
