And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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