we have officially lost it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
