O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
