I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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