what day is it and did you see me today?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize