Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
