fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
