do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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