Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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