i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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