thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
