I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize