wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
