I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
