The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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