If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
