why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
