Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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