how can u be prego again
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
