splinters make it hard to masturbate
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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