We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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