wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize