need another drink. this is the easiest way
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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