Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
