since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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