would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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