My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
