that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
