we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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