I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
