Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
