I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
