Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
