She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize