I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
