He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
