drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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