You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
