Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
