You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
