this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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