the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
