Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
