I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
