She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
