I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
