happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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