just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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