We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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