Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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