It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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