I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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