If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
