He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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