I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
