I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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