Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
