dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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